''Orange and pink streaks sail across the blue of the sky, large birds silhouette themselves against the red of the rising sun, clouds inch their way toward me. I can feel blood dripping from the wounds on my face and I can feel my heart beating and I can feel the weight of my life beginning to drop and I realize why dawn is called mourning.''

You're a real boy! She softly moaned to the trees. You echo in my imagination and warm my inquisitive heart like brimstone. If only you could love me the way you were destined to. You don't love yourself though, and I want you more than anything to do so. Don't you see that there is tomorrow? If only you could look into the mirror, into that beautiful soul of yours and understand what this world would be missing if you weren't apart of it. Oh how you light my life, boy. How you shine down through the darkness. Lift the razors from your skin and dance and tumble with the leaves. 

But I see nothing but shadows. I see shades of grey and white, no gold. Where is the gold? I love you my darling, believe me if you choose to believe anything. I hate myself and I am sorry. I am lost and smothered by the weight of the world crushing my shoulders. Hands have reached for mine but I am turning my back on them. I am closing the door. 

I don't know what to live for. I don't know where to go. I'm so scared I'm going to wake up and find that my life has passed me by. 

I Am the Earth

My spirit is one with the ocean, the waves that hold the key to my heart. I am the horizon, infinite and vast. I am the sand, ever-changing. I am the pyramids of time, unchanged. I am the embodiment of everything you fear, loathe and love. I am blessed with choice. I am blessed with the unknown. I know nothing. I am everything.

Encircle

With the road beneath me and the city lights all around me, shining with glorious prosperity, I felt a strange warmth envelop me. Cascading waves of streetlight echoes marked in soft puddles, embedded in my memory. Traffic light conception, triumphant gleams of concrete towers behind glass, through open eyes. Deaf to the screams of malice which shatter at the waters edge. Break away, free fall to no end. Awake and dreaming. My sorrow set ablaze by a burning desire to change. 

Refrain From Being

The rivers are flooding over, defacing what once stood above all. Inert tranquility, serenity's coldest touch. I was asked to make a wish tonight and I didn't know where to even begin. 

I am hopeless. My life is descending towards oblivion. What if I continue to tremble at the motionless sky until dawn subsides forever? Relinquished to stagnant gazes, skylines as empty as my heart wishes it could be. Maybe then I could cope in this world. 

A Distance Fathomed

Lately, I've been feeling like my sadness or depression is the only way to actually recover the truth. Where happiness is the fallacy that implements joy for a brief period of time but proves to be nothing more than a way to fill the gap, or a temporary outfit to escape this unbearable, desolate force that grips me with each passing breath. I want to reconcile all that my heart holds and what means the most to me so I can finally live my life free of these contingencies and all the hurt, emptiness and dejection I have carried with me throughout my life. Open roads around me and stars above me. I only know what it feels to be disconnected. Take me in. Afloat a river of amiss questioning and reasoning undefined. Break me. Pray for me, I see only blank stares, faceless legions of ghosts. Humanity is caught in the undertow but I am swept to life again. Withdrawn like always, retreat to surrender the sun. May my spirit dance among the stars forever and cross into centuries behind today, beyond tomorrow and for as long as tears fill my eyes. Will I one day look into a flame and feel some sense of belonging? What if my hopes for this world, this life are never fulfilled? My heart beats to the sound of it's own drum. What if it is never heard? 

I still feel so alone. Cool. 

Don't Wake Me Up

This isolation is the most real thing I have ever felt in my life. Sequestered to my own fucking hell. My prospects are dead like my spirit that lies in ruins at my feet.