A Distance Fathomed

Lately, I've been feeling like my sadness or depression is the only way to actually recover the truth. Where happiness is the fallacy that implements joy for a brief period of time but proves to be nothing more than a way to fill the gap, or a temporary outfit to escape this unbearable, desolate force that grips me with each passing breath. I want to reconcile all that my heart holds and what means the most to me so I can finally live my life free of these contingencies and all the hurt, emptiness and dejection I have carried with me throughout my life. Open roads around me and stars above me. I only know what it feels to be disconnected. Take me in. Afloat a river of amiss questioning and reasoning undefined. Break me. Pray for me, I see only blank stares, faceless legions of ghosts. Humanity is caught in the undertow but I am swept to life again. Withdrawn like always, retreat to surrender the sun. May my spirit dance among the stars forever and cross into centuries behind today, beyond tomorrow and for as long as tears fill my eyes. Will I one day look into a flame and feel some sense of belonging? What if my hopes for this world, this life are never fulfilled? My heart beats to the sound of it's own drum. What if it is never heard?