I'm 17. Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm one of the kids I remember fearing way back when I was a little boy. I still remember being at my grandmas side, being afraid of almost everything in the world. My eyes filled with fear and wonder. Now I just see these fears as opportunities. Wow, time really does fly. I'm going to be done high school soon and before I know it I'll be venturing out into the real world. It scares the shit out of me but at the same time I can't wait for this next phase of my life. I know it's going to be some of the best years ever. I'm not tied down to anything and I'm completely free to experience whatever it is that I want. I'll have my G2 in April and I honestly think that is going to be life changing. Being able to just drive. I can crank my music and let the road take me. I'll let the road carry me home. Wherever that may be is for me to discover. I'll have a place of my own someday. Nothing fancy, just a simple little place. Hell, it'll probably be a pile of shit, but it'll be my pile of shit. I'll drive a shitty car to my shitty, dead end job and I'll come home to a girl who knows me for who I really am and loves me anyway. I'll go off to college and feel like I accomplished something there. Hopefully I'll get married one day. I want a family. I want to have kids and I'm going to give them everything that my parents never gave me. I know everybody says that but I'll follow through. There are two places I feel at my absolute best. Shows, and in nature. I love losing myself to the trees and finding refuge in all the beauty that mother earth holds. There is something so liberating about being completely alone in the wilderness. I don't even know how to explain it. I can gather all my thoughts collectively. I can reflect on memories and my life and just smile because I feel completely safe. I can stare into a river and feel complete peace. I can witness the leaves falling from a tree and feel at one with it. I can look at the mountains, stretching forever from the corner of my eye and know that I have found my salvation. With nature, there is no distance, no pain and no longing. It is what it is and that's all there is to it. Shows give me much the same high as nature does. Screaming your lungs out to words that have gotten you through some of the roughest points in your life is something that I will always hold extremely close to my heart. I'll never forget the first show I did that at. It was Oceans in Burlington, Ontario. The line was, ''You will always be fighting with us, we will always be fighting for you.'' There is something so magical about a room full of sweaty kids who share the same passion for something as you do. I've been searching for passion in things for a long time, and one of the only things that really fulfills that for me is writing. It doesn't matter what it is. As long as I can express myself through words I know that I will always be okay. One of my greatest hopes in life is that people will get to know me through my writing, or at least gain something from it. Understanding, insight, whatever. That's not up to me. I write what I feel and I live what I write. It is something that is so important to me and if you know me personally, something you know that I love to do. With all this being said, I'm just downright scared to move on. I'm scared to progress through life but it's something that I want more than anything else. I suck in school, I couldn't cook you a fish if it was the last one in the sea, but I'm trying to tell myself that I'm something. I'm making an effort to find a reason to be here because I know deep down that life truly is worth living.